What’s real?
You can use that question throughout this winter, which
begins at Winter Solstice, as a means of bringing yourself back to center
whenever you feel off kilter.
Off kilter is exactly how you will feel much of the time
during the next three months, so I suggest you make friends with a sense of the
world, your life, your body, your relationships, and your plans being quite
akimbo.
Let me tell you a story to illustrate this:
When I was a young, rascally punk, my friends & I
thought it would be great fun (i.e. dangerous) to explore some houses that had
been built at a cliff’s edge - a cliff’s edge that had recently eroded to the
point that the now-abandoned houses were dangling off the cliff at unnatural
angles.
Once we were inside, we noticed the view out of the windows
showed the shore & horizon at about a forty degree angle, rather than the
customary zero degrees. When we
walked across the floor, we were moving both forwards & either up or
down. We could see right angles at
the edges of the rooms, but nothing felt right in any sense of the word. We were overcome with nausea,
dizziness, light-headedness, a sudden & urgent need to clear our bowels, or
all of the above.
This is what happens, apparently, when the information your
body & mind are receiving about the very basic question of, “Which way is
up?” is full of contradictions. We
are equipped with a balancing device in our ears that lets us know which way is
up. Unless we’ve sustained
neurological damage, that little sensor is always right. We are also equipped, however, with a
lifetime of thinking of the ceiling as up - not somewhere between up and
sideways.
Just so, you can expect to get conflicting messages about
which way is up, which way is forwards, which way to go, & whether you are
moving, up, down, in circles, in a straight line, or zig-zagging. Your internal sense of orientation will
be telling you one thing, but your conditioned ways of thinking &
perceiving will be telling you another.
The Big Work this winter, then, is to tune in to that inner sense of
orientation, and make your decisions based on that, and that alone.
In the meantime, I suggest you enjoy how special &
different this feeling is, despite the discomfort. I suggest you DO clear your metaphorical bowels, so you’re
freer to move about in this peculiar & complex reality. Let go, & be in a state of wonder
& curiosity, orienting yourself with the question, “What’s real?”
What’s the astrological basis for me saying all this? You know what? It doesn’t matter. What does it really matter, whether
retrograding Jupiter in Gemini is in the culminating point of an exact Yod,
& in a T-square; whether Saturn is conjunct the Scorpio Ascendant; whether
there’s a mutual reception of Saturn & Pluto, who are in the guiding arms
of the exact Yod; whether one of the dark & wily Lilith’s is conjunct the
karma-releasing South Node in Taurus, which is square Nessus’ vindictive old
poison, ready to instigate transformation; whether the need-for-newness Aries
Moon is trine Mercury & Pholus’ bottle of mayhem in grandly leaping
Sagittarius; whether a 5000 year calendar is ending, & another 5000 year
calendar is beginning? Do we
really need to know all of that data?
No. That’s the
ceiling akimbo. That’s the horizon
at forty degrees instead of zero degrees.
Don’t make the mistake of getting so distracted by all of this confusing
information that you poop your pants.
Attend to that urgent need to let go, and then tune in to that inner
orienting instinct.
How to let go:
Whom do I need to forgive? Do I need to forgive myself? Hint: You will experience great opening,
healing, & redemption if you review your personal myth (the story you tell
yourself & others about anything & anyone in your past, even the recent
past) with a filter of forgiveness.
Whom do I need to have compassion for right now? Am I being compassionate with myself?
What material junk could I destroy, give away, or sell? What associations, memories, &
expectations does that matter hold, & how would it feel to release that?
What is actually happening? How does this differ from my expectations? What would happen if I attended to
& trusted what is?
What do I have to be grateful for? Whom can I express gratitude to? How would expressing gratitude rather than anger towards
those I am judging shift both my own & their reality?
What aspects of my identity are in a state of dying &
release?
How to orient yourself:
What aspects of my identity are in a state of rebirth? If I could reinvent myself, how would
that new self feel, act, speak, relate with others, think, & perceive?
In any given situation, & in general:
What is real?
What do I know, with all certainty? What do I honestly not know? What questions do I need to ask? Whom shall I ask?
What questions are currently unanswerable, & how can I accept that?
What is my body telling me? How can I better respond to my body? How do I need to think differently
about my body?
Thanks, you, for reading. I’d also like to extend warm & heartfelt gratitude to
all of my students & clients - past & present, to my colleagues, to my
friends & family, & most especially to my dear husband, Joe, for
encouraging me to continue writing this blog, even when I’ve been overcome with
existential angst about writing something for people I do not get to interact
with in a human-feeling & heartfelt way.
Anyone who has known or worked with me, know that if you
feel I’ve touched your heart, the feeling is most certainly mutual. And for that, I thank you.
Have a wonderful winter.
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